You are a person in search of a life partner. You meet interesting people and go on dates. However, not all acquaintances turn out to be pleasant, and not all meetings are successful. Here are five strategies on how to get through an unpleasant date.
Do not have illusions about the first meetings; they may be quite awkward, unpleasant, or completely unbearable. If you suspect that the date may be unsuccessful, it is important to prepare a backup plan of action.
1. To endure
The option that will work if your acquaintance is an adequate person, not rude. If, after a few minutes, you understand that there will be no second date, consider the rest of the evening an experiment. Show interest in the interlocutor, study what kind of a person they are, even not perceiving them as a future partner. What are they interested in, how do they spend their free time, what have they recently watched or read?
If you receive short answers, do not hesitate to say, “I am talking, and you just stay silent. Maybe you want to tell something?” Speak honestly and directly; it helps relieve nervousness and revive the conversation. After all, if you have already made a decision that you do not quite match each other, you have nothing to lose, not all ladies you meet are girls for marriage.
2. Come up with an excuse and leave
The hope that a bad date can be saved should not overshadow common sense. The reason is security. Trust your intuition if you have a bad feeling or a new acquaintance gives you frightening signs – for example, they remember all your posts on Instagram.
Think about your safety, say you have to go. Do not let out personal information like the address or tell where you work and when you come home after work; say, “Sorry, I feel bad. Better call a taxi.” If a man behaves aggressively, is rude, or otherwise humiliates you, do not tolerate it. If he is crossing the line and puts you in an awkward position, just restrict from communicating with him and limit possible bad consequences.
3. Order a dish that does not take long to wait for
In the movie “Sleepless in Seattle,” the hero of Tom Hanks explains to his son that a man should invite the girl to drink something first, and if everything goes well, he can proceed to dinner. If not, it’s okay, tell her it was nice to meet her.
If in doubt, let the first date be short: you can go to the cafe for coffee. Meet on the spot, order a dessert, and have a small talk. Although the first impression we make of a person is most often wrong, you will still have a chance of at least guessing what kind of a person your date for today is.
4. Tell the truth
If you think it over, don’t be afraid to interrupt the date by saying, “I appreciate your carving out the time to spend it with me. But I’m afraid we don’t quite match each other.” One unsuccessful date should not spoil your attitude towards getting to know new potential partners. A meeting only means that you gave someone a chance. Do not leave the game just because you were injured on the sharp edges of a random acquaintance.
As a last resort, you can always sneak out without being noticed. For example, pretend that you need to go to the restroom or that you want to ask for a waiter provides you are in a restaurant. If you are in a cinema, the same strategy will work – say that you are terribly sorry (well, actually you are not) and just go home as soon as you leave the zone where you can be seen. Of course, this method should be applied only in case your acquaintance is not quite calm and on positive vibes. If the person starts acting strange, you may feel that asking them to finish the evening at this point or suggesting that you part without offends is impossible. In this case, being brutally honest can only make matters worse. So, come up with an excuse to leave a person alone, and then you can call or text and explain yourself.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE REASONS
The cause of unsuccessful dates may be subconscious beliefs about yourself. People around us mirror what we think of ourselves. If you have low self-esteem, you need to work on restoring your own significance. Another possible reason is fears related to relationships. You may have had a traumatic experience in the past. It is important to deal with these settings – on your own or by contacting a psychologist or coach for help. These tips may help you in getting to know new people and dating.
- Lower your expectations. Do not wait for the perfect match. Without any illusions, go to a meeting with another person and try to find something interesting in them on the spot.
- Broaden your horizons. Do not stop at just one source or method of dating. Register in new applications or on sites. Try to visit places where a chance of meeting someone is higher.
- Decide which partner you need. Imagine the person: what is important to them in life, what are their hobbies?